Last night, I stayed up late talking to my brother about his future. We are both home on Spring Break, and since we are only together a precious few times these days, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to talk face-to-face. We talked about the long list of schools he's visiting this month as he decides where he wants to begin his doctoral degree and spend the better part of the next decade. He's worked so hard, and I love hearing him talk about his vision for the future.
Following a late night, I woke up early this morning to prepare for an interview of my own. After I overcompensated for my fatigue with far too much coffee and finished my telephone interview, I made a beeline for the treadmill to burn off the nervous energy and attempt to get my hands to stop shaking. Time to dial back the caffeine.
While my brother and I are applying to programs in vastly different fields, we find ourselves in strikingly similar situations. Waiting. What will happen? Will we get into the program we want (well, that's just me...my brother already got into a long list!)? Where will we live? What will it be like? Lots of waiting and lots of questions. I have to admit, it's kinda nice to have a buddy to wait with.
April is a big month for us. Within the first two weeks, we'll both know the answers to many of those questions. But for now, we find ourselves in the in-between. I suppose life is a series of seasons like this. The twenties seems to be especially full of them, but I know they'll be sprinkled through all of life in different forms.
For now, we don't know much about what's coming right around the corner. All we know is that at our house, change is in the air.
A verse that is of great comfort today is this:
Hebrews 13:8- "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."
I'm not great with change, and I've got the track record to prove it. Even so, I find my confidence and courage in knowing that the True Foundation never changes.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Thursday, August 28, 2014
The Words We Don't Say
I've been thinking a lot about grief this week as my Facebook page fills up with news of friends who are knee-deep in raw emotion. I have been a Christian for the majority of my life, and I have seen my community go through many different types of loss. All of us have experienced some type of loss, and I would venture to say that many would tell you- at least I would tell you- that there is an unspoken pressure to be a sort of "hero of the faith" in the middle of crisis. There is a pressure to put on a show...to put on a smile and to stuff down all the questions and doubts that threaten to bubble over and betray you. There is a pressure to be okay and to tell everybody that your faith is still intact, and maybe even stronger, in the midst of the trial. On the other end, well-meaning friends and family of those in crisis often feel pressure to find the perfect words to say that will bring hope and stop the pain. We all do the best we can to keep on smiling, keep on believing, keep on being faithful witnesses. We pump out trite attempts at comfort and positivity like it's our job.
Why are we so afraid of grief?
I'm sure there are many reasons, but two came to mind this week:
1. We find no value in raw emotion, questions, or doubt.
We just want our friends and loved ones to feel better. We see fellow believers struggling with crippling fear, despair, doubt, and unanswered questions, and at a very basic level, we want to protect them. So we scramble to find the perfect verse, inspirational quote, book, card, or words that will grab hold of our friends and bring them back to a place of peace and trust. I find myself here often.
But what if this place of raw emotion is not a place to rescue them from, but a place to enter into and just be with them? What if the doubts and questions are not a threat to faith, but the pathway to greater depth and authenticity? What if the fear and despair don't lead away from Christ's heart, but instead lead us straight into it?
2. We feel threatened by experiences that seem to oppose our understanding of God.
For me, this is the heart of it. When something terribly tragic happens, I find myself in a place where my understanding of God and His character and how that should work itself out here on earth stands diametrically opposed to my experience. I am uncomfortable here. So I reach for something- anything to explain it away. And if I can't explain it away, I push it away- ignore it, deny it, try to forget it...because it threatens my understanding of the way a good God works in this world and deals with His children.
But, what if we leaned in and opened our hands to these feelings instead of pushing them away? What if we asked questions and explored doubts and brought all of this to God and each other? What if we allowed ourselves to feel the tension that is all around us? To admit that we only see things now through a mirror dimly (1 Corinthians 13:12) and that it is awfully hard to see sometimes? Could God handle that?
What if we believed that God could receive glory from authentic and vulnerable grief? This week, I have seen a community, and especially leaders, who are allowing themselves to authentically, vulnerably, and publicly grieve. And it is a beautiful and rare thing. I believe that it glorifies God and gives freedom to others to do the same.
It is hard to live by faith, to be "sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)." Nobody really ever prepared me for that. I learned it...and continue to learn it...as God works in me through my questions and doubts and the "working out" of my faith. This is a sacred thing in the life of a believer.
When tragedy strikes, we often have plenty to say. Our hearts mean well, but often we end up dismissing genuine questions, invalidating appropriate emotions, and sabotaging the process of grief. Even now, I am fighting the desire to try to "fix" hurting friends. But how prideful it is for me to think that I could fix this.
I think that one of the best gifts you can give any hurting person is the gift of listening to them and actually hearing them. Another gift you can offer is the freedom and space to experience and express authentic emotions. These are the words we don't say enough: that it is okay to be "not okay", and that it is possible to be "not okay" and to also be faithful.
As a fellow believer pointed out this week, Jesus meets us where we are, and He does His work there. He doesn't wait for us on the mountain tops, looking down below and shaming us for trudging through the valley. He sees, and He knows because He is no stranger to suffering.
So, dear friends, do not run from your grief or the grief of those you love. Instead, invite Jesus into it, and watch what He will do.
Why are we so afraid of grief?
I'm sure there are many reasons, but two came to mind this week:
1. We find no value in raw emotion, questions, or doubt.
We just want our friends and loved ones to feel better. We see fellow believers struggling with crippling fear, despair, doubt, and unanswered questions, and at a very basic level, we want to protect them. So we scramble to find the perfect verse, inspirational quote, book, card, or words that will grab hold of our friends and bring them back to a place of peace and trust. I find myself here often.
But what if this place of raw emotion is not a place to rescue them from, but a place to enter into and just be with them? What if the doubts and questions are not a threat to faith, but the pathway to greater depth and authenticity? What if the fear and despair don't lead away from Christ's heart, but instead lead us straight into it?
2. We feel threatened by experiences that seem to oppose our understanding of God.
For me, this is the heart of it. When something terribly tragic happens, I find myself in a place where my understanding of God and His character and how that should work itself out here on earth stands diametrically opposed to my experience. I am uncomfortable here. So I reach for something- anything to explain it away. And if I can't explain it away, I push it away- ignore it, deny it, try to forget it...because it threatens my understanding of the way a good God works in this world and deals with His children.
But, what if we leaned in and opened our hands to these feelings instead of pushing them away? What if we asked questions and explored doubts and brought all of this to God and each other? What if we allowed ourselves to feel the tension that is all around us? To admit that we only see things now through a mirror dimly (1 Corinthians 13:12) and that it is awfully hard to see sometimes? Could God handle that?
What if we believed that God could receive glory from authentic and vulnerable grief? This week, I have seen a community, and especially leaders, who are allowing themselves to authentically, vulnerably, and publicly grieve. And it is a beautiful and rare thing. I believe that it glorifies God and gives freedom to others to do the same.
It is hard to live by faith, to be "sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)." Nobody really ever prepared me for that. I learned it...and continue to learn it...as God works in me through my questions and doubts and the "working out" of my faith. This is a sacred thing in the life of a believer.
When tragedy strikes, we often have plenty to say. Our hearts mean well, but often we end up dismissing genuine questions, invalidating appropriate emotions, and sabotaging the process of grief. Even now, I am fighting the desire to try to "fix" hurting friends. But how prideful it is for me to think that I could fix this.
I think that one of the best gifts you can give any hurting person is the gift of listening to them and actually hearing them. Another gift you can offer is the freedom and space to experience and express authentic emotions. These are the words we don't say enough: that it is okay to be "not okay", and that it is possible to be "not okay" and to also be faithful.
As a fellow believer pointed out this week, Jesus meets us where we are, and He does His work there. He doesn't wait for us on the mountain tops, looking down below and shaming us for trudging through the valley. He sees, and He knows because He is no stranger to suffering.
So, dear friends, do not run from your grief or the grief of those you love. Instead, invite Jesus into it, and watch what He will do.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Betrayed by the Mouth
Luke 6:45
"A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."
I like to pretend that I'm a nice little innocent church girl. Most people buy it, actually. I've been putting on this little act for a very long time, and I'm actually pretty good at it.
But more than I'd like to admit, I am betrayed by my mouth. A judgmental word. A joke at another's expense. A juicy piece of gossip. And there it is. I can't ignore it. Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. My mouth is very good at reminding me that despite the act I put on and the reputation I like to protect, my heart is still wrought with sin. I am still very much in need of grace.
Over the summer, I took a class entitled Special Topics in Disordered Eating, and in this class, I learned a lot more about my heart and my mouth.
...Before I explain the connection between Luke 6:45 and a Special Topics class, let me first make this distinction: eating disorders are mental health diagnoses (from the DSM-5) such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating disorder. Disordered eating is a much broader concept that encompasses many behaviors, habits, and patterns that may not meet full criteria for a diagnosis but are nonetheless abnormal. So, as you might guess, disordered eating is much more widespread than full-blown eating disorders.
Moving on...
We are a culture obsessed with appearance. That's not a novel statement. And the evidence is all around- T.V. shows, movies, music videos, magazines (oh, those ridiculous magazines!), fad diets, and on and on. In addition to all this, we can't seem to stop talking about it.
Words. Powerful words. Words that come out before we even think them through.
Three questions to ponder...
1. HOW DO YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR BODY?
When you talk about your body, what do you say? Are you openly critical of the parts of your body you don't like? Do you bash your body in front of others? Do you shame yourself out loud or in your own mind? (Ex: My [insert body part here] is so ugly/fat/big. I've got to get control of myself. I'm such a pig.")
Are you capable of graciously taking a compliment? Or are you quick to dismiss a kind word?
CHALLENGE: Practice thankfulness for all that your body can do- that it is capable of running, lifting weights, holding a child, helping a friend move, enjoying a morning hike, or whatever it is you love to do. And learn to appreciate the things about yourself that have nothing to do with physical appearance. Are you compassionate, servant-hearted, giving? That's beautiful. And graciously accept compliments and kind words from others instead of dismissing them (or bashing yourself in response).
2. HOW DO YOU TALK ABOUT OTHERS?
Are you quick to compliment others for their physical appearance? Do you use this compliment as an additional opportunity to bash yourself? (Ex: "You have great legs! I'm so jealous. I have so much cellulite.")
Do you body-bash others? Do you judge them for how they look? (Ex: "I don't know what happened to Jessica. She used to be so skinny, but now her hips are huge!")It's amazing how we feel it's our inherent right and duty to comment on the bodies of others.
CHALLENGE: Compliment others for character qualities that have nothing to do with the physical- a gracious attitude, a committed work ethic, a forgiving spirit, etc. Look beyond the physical long enough to discover and value the unseen qualities in friends and family.
3. HOW DO YOU TALK ABOUT FOOD?
Have you assigned a moral value to food? Do you classify certain food as "good" foods and others as "bad" foods? Do you call yourself "bad" when you eat "bad" foods (or "good" when you eat "good" foods)? (Ex: "I'm gonna be bad tonight. I'm ordering a cheeseburger and fries. I'll just be really good tomorrow to make up for it.")
A lesson I learned from class: Food is morally neutral. It is neither "good" nor "bad". Yes, it is true that certain foods are more nutrient-dense than others, but there is nothing morally wrong with enjoying less nutritious foods in moderation. You are not "being bad" when you eat dessert.
CHALLENGE: Take the words "good" and "bad" out of your food vocabulary. Enjoy the foods you eat with moderation and balance. You are not a bad person when you eat a brownie, and you are not a good person when you eat a salad.
After completing my class in Disordered Eating, I started to listen to the way I talk about myself, others, and food. And my mouth gave away the condition of my heart. I have some serious work to do, and these questions were written just as much for me as they were for anyone else. So I challenge you to listen to yourself. If you find that you are struggling in this area, join me in the challenge to change the way you talk about your body, other people's bodies, and food. Even if you think you're just kidding. Words are powerful, and in this and many other arenas, they need to be re-purposed for good.
And remember that little ears are listening...and the ears of those who may be especially prone to struggle in this area. Your child, cousin, nephew/niece, sibling, parent, friend, Bible study/Sunday School group, student, patient, anyone. They hear what you say about yourself, others, and food, and you influence the way they think about these things. Be a positive influence.
And don't forget to seek the Lord's help, strength, and wisdom because if you really want to change the words you speak, you need to change the condition of your heart. And you will never be able to change the condition of your heart on your own.
If this resonates with you, I hope you'll join me in my efforts to change the conversation around food, weight, and appearance. And if you observe me in a moment of re-lapse, you are welcomed and encouraged to graciously remind me of this post.
"A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."
I like to pretend that I'm a nice little innocent church girl. Most people buy it, actually. I've been putting on this little act for a very long time, and I'm actually pretty good at it.
But more than I'd like to admit, I am betrayed by my mouth. A judgmental word. A joke at another's expense. A juicy piece of gossip. And there it is. I can't ignore it. Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. My mouth is very good at reminding me that despite the act I put on and the reputation I like to protect, my heart is still wrought with sin. I am still very much in need of grace.
Over the summer, I took a class entitled Special Topics in Disordered Eating, and in this class, I learned a lot more about my heart and my mouth.
...Before I explain the connection between Luke 6:45 and a Special Topics class, let me first make this distinction: eating disorders are mental health diagnoses (from the DSM-5) such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating disorder. Disordered eating is a much broader concept that encompasses many behaviors, habits, and patterns that may not meet full criteria for a diagnosis but are nonetheless abnormal. So, as you might guess, disordered eating is much more widespread than full-blown eating disorders.
Moving on...
We are a culture obsessed with appearance. That's not a novel statement. And the evidence is all around- T.V. shows, movies, music videos, magazines (oh, those ridiculous magazines!), fad diets, and on and on. In addition to all this, we can't seem to stop talking about it.
Words. Powerful words. Words that come out before we even think them through.
Three questions to ponder...
1. HOW DO YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR BODY?
When you talk about your body, what do you say? Are you openly critical of the parts of your body you don't like? Do you bash your body in front of others? Do you shame yourself out loud or in your own mind? (Ex: My [insert body part here] is so ugly/fat/big. I've got to get control of myself. I'm such a pig.")
Are you capable of graciously taking a compliment? Or are you quick to dismiss a kind word?
CHALLENGE: Practice thankfulness for all that your body can do- that it is capable of running, lifting weights, holding a child, helping a friend move, enjoying a morning hike, or whatever it is you love to do. And learn to appreciate the things about yourself that have nothing to do with physical appearance. Are you compassionate, servant-hearted, giving? That's beautiful. And graciously accept compliments and kind words from others instead of dismissing them (or bashing yourself in response).
2. HOW DO YOU TALK ABOUT OTHERS?
Are you quick to compliment others for their physical appearance? Do you use this compliment as an additional opportunity to bash yourself? (Ex: "You have great legs! I'm so jealous. I have so much cellulite.")
Do you body-bash others? Do you judge them for how they look? (Ex: "I don't know what happened to Jessica. She used to be so skinny, but now her hips are huge!")It's amazing how we feel it's our inherent right and duty to comment on the bodies of others.
CHALLENGE: Compliment others for character qualities that have nothing to do with the physical- a gracious attitude, a committed work ethic, a forgiving spirit, etc. Look beyond the physical long enough to discover and value the unseen qualities in friends and family.
3. HOW DO YOU TALK ABOUT FOOD?
Have you assigned a moral value to food? Do you classify certain food as "good" foods and others as "bad" foods? Do you call yourself "bad" when you eat "bad" foods (or "good" when you eat "good" foods)? (Ex: "I'm gonna be bad tonight. I'm ordering a cheeseburger and fries. I'll just be really good tomorrow to make up for it.")
A lesson I learned from class: Food is morally neutral. It is neither "good" nor "bad". Yes, it is true that certain foods are more nutrient-dense than others, but there is nothing morally wrong with enjoying less nutritious foods in moderation. You are not "being bad" when you eat dessert.
CHALLENGE: Take the words "good" and "bad" out of your food vocabulary. Enjoy the foods you eat with moderation and balance. You are not a bad person when you eat a brownie, and you are not a good person when you eat a salad.
After completing my class in Disordered Eating, I started to listen to the way I talk about myself, others, and food. And my mouth gave away the condition of my heart. I have some serious work to do, and these questions were written just as much for me as they were for anyone else. So I challenge you to listen to yourself. If you find that you are struggling in this area, join me in the challenge to change the way you talk about your body, other people's bodies, and food. Even if you think you're just kidding. Words are powerful, and in this and many other arenas, they need to be re-purposed for good.
And remember that little ears are listening...and the ears of those who may be especially prone to struggle in this area. Your child, cousin, nephew/niece, sibling, parent, friend, Bible study/Sunday School group, student, patient, anyone. They hear what you say about yourself, others, and food, and you influence the way they think about these things. Be a positive influence.
And don't forget to seek the Lord's help, strength, and wisdom because if you really want to change the words you speak, you need to change the condition of your heart. And you will never be able to change the condition of your heart on your own.
If this resonates with you, I hope you'll join me in my efforts to change the conversation around food, weight, and appearance. And if you observe me in a moment of re-lapse, you are welcomed and encouraged to graciously remind me of this post.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
A Mere Penny & the Fear of Failure
It's been awhile since I've blogged...almost 3 months. I usually try to wait for that "feeling" I get when I know I have something to say, and that doesn't always follow an exact schedule. I've learned that forcing a blog post just doesn't work, so I wait until I have something that seems like it's worth saying.
So, here we go...
Are you familiar with the term FOMO? It stands for Fear of Missing Out, and it's the idea that you have to say yes to every single hangout, concert, movie night, bonfire, roadtrip, etc. for fear that you'll miss something vitally important or awesome if you don't attend the event. I experienced FOMO on a whole new level during the USA v. Belgium World Cup match today. First, of all, there are no time-outs (except half-time) in soccer, so you can't just wait until a commercial break to step away from the screen. Second of all, there is some unwritten law that states that if you miss 2 minutes of a soccer match to, say, answer the call of nature, there WILL be a goal scored in those 2 minutes. Probably the one and only goal because that's how it works. So, when the match went into overtime today, I had to put down my large Sonic drink (made it in time for Happy Hour by the skin of my teeth, holla) and pace myself. Ain't nobody got time for a bathroom break in World Cup overtime! Though we didn't win, I am so proud of the way we played, and I might just join my brother in becoming an actual soccer fan and not just a poser.
But I digress. This post is not about Fear of Missing Out, it's about Fear of Failure. Aptly named, Fear of Failure is when you have a fear of failing at something. Sometimes, that fear can be so intense that it keeps you from trying at all.
I often find myself wrestling with an intense Fear of Failure. It takes different forms in different phases of my life, but right now it seems to be targeted at my vocational dreams and goals. I feel such an intense passion and desire to follow a particular vocational path, yet I find that path is wrought with the fear that I won't succeed.
A thought occurred to me this week, and I've kinda been churning it over in my mind ever since. It's a question, actually...
What would it look like to fearlessly offer all of myself to serve God in my vocation?
What would it look like to stop worrying about whether or not I'm enough and just give all of my talents, passions, dreams, and efforts to Him? What if I was more concerned with the acts of surrendering and offering than with the results- whether I succeed or fail?
In Mark 12:41-44, God's Word says, "And he [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, 'Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.'"
Can you imagine giving your offering right in front of Jesus? With Him just staring at you? Oh, wait...
Jesus was watching alright, but He wasn't looking at the amount of money. He was looking at the heart- the amount of sacrifice. I bet all the rich people felt pretty good about themselves as they heaved their large sums of money into the treasury. But Jesus saw that what they were giving required no sacrifice. They were giving out of their wealth, and they had so much that they barely felt the loss at all.
Then, a poor widow came in. I don't know why I picture this woman as old and hunched over. She could've been very young. I don't think we are told here. But anyway, she gives the equivalent of one penny to the treasury. Almost nothing. But Jesus saw what judging human eyes could not- that this woman had given out of her poverty, and she had so little that she deeply felt the loss. In fact, she had given "all she had to live on." And that's God's economy.
Of course, it would be easy to launch into a commentary on the importance of sacrificial tithes and offerings, but in this moment, I see a call to a different type of sacrificial giving. I am that poor widow. In so many ways, I often feel that I have nothing to offer. I'm embarrassed or shamed by feelings of inadequacy, and I wonder if it would be better for everyone if I just didn't try. I wonder if the poor widow felt the same way. I wonder how much courage it took for her to publicly offer all she had when it was only the tiniest fraction in comparison to everyone else. She could've just as easily stayed home and saved herself the embarrassment. After all, who would miss a penny in the offering?
But much would've been lost if she hadn't courageously given that day.
1. Her sacrificial giving strengthened her faith.
She gave everything she had to live on, so she had nothing to put her faith in except for her Lord.
2. Her sacrificial giving built up the faith of those around her.
Jesus called his disciples over to teach them about giving through her act of faith. Her obedience was a model for others.
3. Her sacrificial giving brought glory to God.
Obviously, Jesus was pleased by the widow's offering. And I would imagine that those around her were reminded of the greatness of the God to which this widow entrusted all her wealth.
So, I come back to that lingering question. What would it look like to fearlessly offer all of myself to serve God in my vocation? You might insert anything in place of or along with "vocation" and ask the same question. The answer? Well, the specifics will only become clear if you try it. But, I think we can count on three things: that our sacrificial gift will strengthen our faith, build up the faith of those around us, and glorify God.
Fear of Failure is very real. I don't often feel that I have much of value to offer. But, I will give Him my all anyway because He is a God who rejoices not in the amount of the gift, but in the heart of the giver.
So, here we go...
Are you familiar with the term FOMO? It stands for Fear of Missing Out, and it's the idea that you have to say yes to every single hangout, concert, movie night, bonfire, roadtrip, etc. for fear that you'll miss something vitally important or awesome if you don't attend the event. I experienced FOMO on a whole new level during the USA v. Belgium World Cup match today. First, of all, there are no time-outs (except half-time) in soccer, so you can't just wait until a commercial break to step away from the screen. Second of all, there is some unwritten law that states that if you miss 2 minutes of a soccer match to, say, answer the call of nature, there WILL be a goal scored in those 2 minutes. Probably the one and only goal because that's how it works. So, when the match went into overtime today, I had to put down my large Sonic drink (made it in time for Happy Hour by the skin of my teeth, holla) and pace myself. Ain't nobody got time for a bathroom break in World Cup overtime! Though we didn't win, I am so proud of the way we played, and I might just join my brother in becoming an actual soccer fan and not just a poser.
But I digress. This post is not about Fear of Missing Out, it's about Fear of Failure. Aptly named, Fear of Failure is when you have a fear of failing at something. Sometimes, that fear can be so intense that it keeps you from trying at all.
I often find myself wrestling with an intense Fear of Failure. It takes different forms in different phases of my life, but right now it seems to be targeted at my vocational dreams and goals. I feel such an intense passion and desire to follow a particular vocational path, yet I find that path is wrought with the fear that I won't succeed.
A thought occurred to me this week, and I've kinda been churning it over in my mind ever since. It's a question, actually...
What would it look like to fearlessly offer all of myself to serve God in my vocation?
What would it look like to stop worrying about whether or not I'm enough and just give all of my talents, passions, dreams, and efforts to Him? What if I was more concerned with the acts of surrendering and offering than with the results- whether I succeed or fail?
In Mark 12:41-44, God's Word says, "And he [Jesus] sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, 'Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.'"
Can you imagine giving your offering right in front of Jesus? With Him just staring at you? Oh, wait...
Jesus was watching alright, but He wasn't looking at the amount of money. He was looking at the heart- the amount of sacrifice. I bet all the rich people felt pretty good about themselves as they heaved their large sums of money into the treasury. But Jesus saw that what they were giving required no sacrifice. They were giving out of their wealth, and they had so much that they barely felt the loss at all.
Then, a poor widow came in. I don't know why I picture this woman as old and hunched over. She could've been very young. I don't think we are told here. But anyway, she gives the equivalent of one penny to the treasury. Almost nothing. But Jesus saw what judging human eyes could not- that this woman had given out of her poverty, and she had so little that she deeply felt the loss. In fact, she had given "all she had to live on." And that's God's economy.
Of course, it would be easy to launch into a commentary on the importance of sacrificial tithes and offerings, but in this moment, I see a call to a different type of sacrificial giving. I am that poor widow. In so many ways, I often feel that I have nothing to offer. I'm embarrassed or shamed by feelings of inadequacy, and I wonder if it would be better for everyone if I just didn't try. I wonder if the poor widow felt the same way. I wonder how much courage it took for her to publicly offer all she had when it was only the tiniest fraction in comparison to everyone else. She could've just as easily stayed home and saved herself the embarrassment. After all, who would miss a penny in the offering?
But much would've been lost if she hadn't courageously given that day.
1. Her sacrificial giving strengthened her faith.
She gave everything she had to live on, so she had nothing to put her faith in except for her Lord.
2. Her sacrificial giving built up the faith of those around her.
Jesus called his disciples over to teach them about giving through her act of faith. Her obedience was a model for others.
3. Her sacrificial giving brought glory to God.
Obviously, Jesus was pleased by the widow's offering. And I would imagine that those around her were reminded of the greatness of the God to which this widow entrusted all her wealth.
So, I come back to that lingering question. What would it look like to fearlessly offer all of myself to serve God in my vocation? You might insert anything in place of or along with "vocation" and ask the same question. The answer? Well, the specifics will only become clear if you try it. But, I think we can count on three things: that our sacrificial gift will strengthen our faith, build up the faith of those around us, and glorify God.
Fear of Failure is very real. I don't often feel that I have much of value to offer. But, I will give Him my all anyway because He is a God who rejoices not in the amount of the gift, but in the heart of the giver.
Monday, April 7, 2014
What in the world am I doing here?
If I had known what my transition to Nashville would be like, I never would've come here.
At the risk of sounding dramatic, it was awful. My first semester here was the most difficult time I have ever experienced, and I'm not going to go into any detail here on this blog. First, because it's a season I still don't fully understand and don't yet have words to describe. Second, because the point of this entry is not marination in misery, but THANKFULNESS.
Thankfulness.
I'm not very good at being thankful. It's an ugly condition of my heart that allows me to feel entitlement before thankfulness. I do not express gratitude often enough because most of the time, I just feel entitled. Yuck.
Luke 17:11-19 tells the story of Jesus healing ten lepers. As Jesus came to their village, the ten men cried out for Jesus to have mercy on them. Jesus did have mercy on them, and he instructed them to show themselves to the priests. On their way, they were healed of their leprosy. But, the tragedy of the story is that only one, a Samaritan man, came back to thank Jesus for what He had done in healing a disease that isolated him from his family, friends, and all of society.
Why didn't the other 9 men come back? Well, honestly I don't know because I'm not one of them, and the story doesn't really explain why they didn't return.
My guess is that they didn't return because they didn't see a need for Jesus anymore. Or maybe they thought that somehow their own goodness had influenced Jesus to heal them. They probably forgot what it felt like to be lepers.
...
My second semester here in Nashville has been much better. Although I am still dealing with many of the issues that erupted last semester, I am feeling so much better in so many ways. And I realized this week that I haven't really said thank you. I spent all last semester begging that Jesus would touch me--that He would heal my situation. And as soon as healing begins, I seem to forget what it felt like to be so sick, so in need of Him. I feel that I was entitled to that healing--that I have somehow earned it by my good behavior.
Um...
Isaiah 64:6 "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away."
If you don't already know, look up what "filthy rags" are, then imagine yourself holding those up to Jesus as evidence that you deserve something from Him. That'll bless ya.
I think another reason why I can be unthankful is that when things are going well, I tend to forget my need of Him. Whether or not this is theologically correct, I have decided that this is one of the reasons why the Lord has not yet chosen to take away my anxiety. It serves a very simple function: it reminds me DAILY that I need Him.
I want God to take my anxiety away for many reasons. One of them is because I hate having to crawl to Him every day like a weak and helpless child. I don't want to need that every day. I want to do it on my own.
But that's just the point. I CAN'T do it on my own. My daily anxiety is a daily reminder of Who is strong and who is weak. I wouldn't presume to know why God does what He does; I am merely expressing the blessing I have found in my struggle--it keeps me close to Him.
So I want to stop and say thank you. I'm thankful for the healing and freedom the Lord has already provided for me, and I'm also thankful that even where things are not yet made whole, there is opportunity to daily recognize my need for God and to learn to trust Him more.
Even on the worst days last semester, the Lord gave me two things to be thankful for. First, He gave me amazing friends--school friends, church friends, roommates, friends from back home. Second, He provided an amazing church community for me. Melissa and Dan, if you happen to see this, there is no way for me to express my gratitude for your family and for your service to the Young Adults at our church. Whenever I felt like I made a huge mistake coming here, I would think of church, and I would know that this was no mistake.
I have so much to be thankful for.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
At the risk of sounding dramatic, it was awful. My first semester here was the most difficult time I have ever experienced, and I'm not going to go into any detail here on this blog. First, because it's a season I still don't fully understand and don't yet have words to describe. Second, because the point of this entry is not marination in misery, but THANKFULNESS.
Thankfulness.
I'm not very good at being thankful. It's an ugly condition of my heart that allows me to feel entitlement before thankfulness. I do not express gratitude often enough because most of the time, I just feel entitled. Yuck.
Luke 17:11-19 tells the story of Jesus healing ten lepers. As Jesus came to their village, the ten men cried out for Jesus to have mercy on them. Jesus did have mercy on them, and he instructed them to show themselves to the priests. On their way, they were healed of their leprosy. But, the tragedy of the story is that only one, a Samaritan man, came back to thank Jesus for what He had done in healing a disease that isolated him from his family, friends, and all of society.
Why didn't the other 9 men come back? Well, honestly I don't know because I'm not one of them, and the story doesn't really explain why they didn't return.
My guess is that they didn't return because they didn't see a need for Jesus anymore. Or maybe they thought that somehow their own goodness had influenced Jesus to heal them. They probably forgot what it felt like to be lepers.
...
My second semester here in Nashville has been much better. Although I am still dealing with many of the issues that erupted last semester, I am feeling so much better in so many ways. And I realized this week that I haven't really said thank you. I spent all last semester begging that Jesus would touch me--that He would heal my situation. And as soon as healing begins, I seem to forget what it felt like to be so sick, so in need of Him. I feel that I was entitled to that healing--that I have somehow earned it by my good behavior.
Um...
Isaiah 64:6 "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away."
If you don't already know, look up what "filthy rags" are, then imagine yourself holding those up to Jesus as evidence that you deserve something from Him. That'll bless ya.
I think another reason why I can be unthankful is that when things are going well, I tend to forget my need of Him. Whether or not this is theologically correct, I have decided that this is one of the reasons why the Lord has not yet chosen to take away my anxiety. It serves a very simple function: it reminds me DAILY that I need Him.
I want God to take my anxiety away for many reasons. One of them is because I hate having to crawl to Him every day like a weak and helpless child. I don't want to need that every day. I want to do it on my own.
But that's just the point. I CAN'T do it on my own. My daily anxiety is a daily reminder of Who is strong and who is weak. I wouldn't presume to know why God does what He does; I am merely expressing the blessing I have found in my struggle--it keeps me close to Him.
So I want to stop and say thank you. I'm thankful for the healing and freedom the Lord has already provided for me, and I'm also thankful that even where things are not yet made whole, there is opportunity to daily recognize my need for God and to learn to trust Him more.
Even on the worst days last semester, the Lord gave me two things to be thankful for. First, He gave me amazing friends--school friends, church friends, roommates, friends from back home. Second, He provided an amazing church community for me. Melissa and Dan, if you happen to see this, there is no way for me to express my gratitude for your family and for your service to the Young Adults at our church. Whenever I felt like I made a huge mistake coming here, I would think of church, and I would know that this was no mistake.
I have so much to be thankful for.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Why?
If you've kept up with this blog or had any semi-deep conversation with me in the past 5 years, you know that I've been on quite the existential kick. I've come to ask a lot of questions. Not as much, "Why are we here?". More like, "If God is so good, why does He allow so much suffering?"...and the implicit second question, "Is God even good?"
And I've known some very dear people who have faced unimaginable suffering. As a (former) counseling student...that's another blog post altogether...I've switched from counseling to exercise and nutrition science, and I'm pretty pumped!! Anyway, as a former counseling student, I've participated in my fair share of discussions on what you do NOT say to people who are suffering.
As Christians, I think we have a very well-meaning and pure desire to fix another's suffering as soon as possible. So we frantically toss out trite and even harmful explanations, such as..."God just needed one more angel", "Maybe God is trying to test you", "This could be punishment for an unconfessed sin", "God won't give you more than you can handle" (Really? That Scripture is in reference to temptation, not suffering...but I digress), "He's in a better place now", "You'll get through this, you're strong", etc. We try to slap a band-aid on the pain and move on, all the while neglecting to see that the person is bleeding out. This "fix it, get over it, move on" mentality can also rob us of reaping the treasures inherent in suffering.
It's time to admit it: In the face of deep human suffering, there are no words. There are also no satisfactory answers (on this side of Heaven) to the "Why?" questions of suffering.
In my Introduction to Counseling course during my Fellows year, my teacher suggested that the best way to respond to someone in the throes of deep suffering is to get down with them, look them in the eye, and tell them that you love them and that you're not going to leave them- that you'll figure this out and face this together. Don't try to explain the suffering. Don't trivialize it by reducing it to one of the trite phrases above. Just be there, communicate your love, and let them know that they're not alone.
Why? Because even if you knew exactly why the suffering was happening, and even if you could explain it to that person, would that take away the pain of losing a child or receiving a terrifying diagnosis or learning that a life-long dream is not going to come true? No.
I think we (I'm looking at myself here) tend to assume that if God would just explain Himself, if we could just understand WHY, it wouldn't hurt so bad. I'm not convinced that's true. It still hurts because this is a broken world and because we are human and because whether or not life always makes sense, it just hurts sometimes.
What we need right now, more than an explanation of suffering, is a knowledge that we are loved and that we are not alone in our pain. And we also need to know that we WILL understand someday, and it won't hurt anymore because it'll all be redeemed and restored. And I think this could be a reason why God chooses to speak to us through His Scripture in the way that He does:
Joshua 1:5
"No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."
John 16:33
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Romans 8:37-39
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
2 Corinthians 12:8-9
"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"
Do you hear it in these verses (and countless others)? God will never leave you, God is in control of this world, nothing can separate you from God's love, God's grace is sufficient for your suffering.
No existential explanations for the problem of suffering and evil. No trite phrases or simplistic "band-aid" fixes. Just the reassurances of a loving Father that He loves us and will never leave us.
This is what we need more than anything. In our current state, we cannot even being to comprehend the "why". And even if we could understand, would it take away the pain? It might offer some perspective and some reassurance, but I think it would still hurt.
Deuteronomy 29:29
"The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law."
There's a part of us that will still seek out the "why", and I think that's okay as long as we take it to the Lord and remain watchful against bitterness and fundamental disbelief in God's character.
The truth is that there are many "secret things" we will not and cannot understand right now. They are beyond us, and as Beth Moore says, they are too wonderful for us. But, God has chosen to give us the "things revealed", and they give us plenty to focus our minds on. God has revealed many aspects of His character to us through His Word, and (again, kudos to Beth Moore)we can rest assured that the "secret things" are consistent with His character.
For now, we know that our God loves us, is with us, is in control, and is sufficient for the suffering we will face. And we know that someday we will understand. And it won't hurt anymore. Until then, let us strive to be Christ to one another in our suffering. We may not be able to stop or explain the pain. But we can be there for each other, loving each other in the darkest moments and supporting each other as we wait for the "secret things" to be revealed.
And I've known some very dear people who have faced unimaginable suffering. As a (former) counseling student...that's another blog post altogether...I've switched from counseling to exercise and nutrition science, and I'm pretty pumped!! Anyway, as a former counseling student, I've participated in my fair share of discussions on what you do NOT say to people who are suffering.
As Christians, I think we have a very well-meaning and pure desire to fix another's suffering as soon as possible. So we frantically toss out trite and even harmful explanations, such as..."God just needed one more angel", "Maybe God is trying to test you", "This could be punishment for an unconfessed sin", "God won't give you more than you can handle" (Really? That Scripture is in reference to temptation, not suffering...but I digress), "He's in a better place now", "You'll get through this, you're strong", etc. We try to slap a band-aid on the pain and move on, all the while neglecting to see that the person is bleeding out. This "fix it, get over it, move on" mentality can also rob us of reaping the treasures inherent in suffering.
It's time to admit it: In the face of deep human suffering, there are no words. There are also no satisfactory answers (on this side of Heaven) to the "Why?" questions of suffering.
In my Introduction to Counseling course during my Fellows year, my teacher suggested that the best way to respond to someone in the throes of deep suffering is to get down with them, look them in the eye, and tell them that you love them and that you're not going to leave them- that you'll figure this out and face this together. Don't try to explain the suffering. Don't trivialize it by reducing it to one of the trite phrases above. Just be there, communicate your love, and let them know that they're not alone.
Why? Because even if you knew exactly why the suffering was happening, and even if you could explain it to that person, would that take away the pain of losing a child or receiving a terrifying diagnosis or learning that a life-long dream is not going to come true? No.
I think we (I'm looking at myself here) tend to assume that if God would just explain Himself, if we could just understand WHY, it wouldn't hurt so bad. I'm not convinced that's true. It still hurts because this is a broken world and because we are human and because whether or not life always makes sense, it just hurts sometimes.
What we need right now, more than an explanation of suffering, is a knowledge that we are loved and that we are not alone in our pain. And we also need to know that we WILL understand someday, and it won't hurt anymore because it'll all be redeemed and restored. And I think this could be a reason why God chooses to speak to us through His Scripture in the way that He does:
Joshua 1:5
"No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."
John 16:33
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Romans 8:37-39
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
2 Corinthians 12:8-9
"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"
Do you hear it in these verses (and countless others)? God will never leave you, God is in control of this world, nothing can separate you from God's love, God's grace is sufficient for your suffering.
No existential explanations for the problem of suffering and evil. No trite phrases or simplistic "band-aid" fixes. Just the reassurances of a loving Father that He loves us and will never leave us.
This is what we need more than anything. In our current state, we cannot even being to comprehend the "why". And even if we could understand, would it take away the pain? It might offer some perspective and some reassurance, but I think it would still hurt.
Deuteronomy 29:29
"The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law."
There's a part of us that will still seek out the "why", and I think that's okay as long as we take it to the Lord and remain watchful against bitterness and fundamental disbelief in God's character.
The truth is that there are many "secret things" we will not and cannot understand right now. They are beyond us, and as Beth Moore says, they are too wonderful for us. But, God has chosen to give us the "things revealed", and they give us plenty to focus our minds on. God has revealed many aspects of His character to us through His Word, and (again, kudos to Beth Moore)we can rest assured that the "secret things" are consistent with His character.
For now, we know that our God loves us, is with us, is in control, and is sufficient for the suffering we will face. And we know that someday we will understand. And it won't hurt anymore. Until then, let us strive to be Christ to one another in our suffering. We may not be able to stop or explain the pain. But we can be there for each other, loving each other in the darkest moments and supporting each other as we wait for the "secret things" to be revealed.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Our DAILY Bread
Last night, I had a dream about maggots.
Specifically, I dreamed that I accidentally ate a piece of old bread or a pastry or something (my dreams don't get that specific), and when I put it into my mouth, I realized it was full of maggots. I'll spare you the details of the rest of the dream, but believe me, it was super gross.
According to www.dreamdictionary.org, I think about death too much. Or, someone or something in my life is eating away at me. Or, maybe I just saw the breaking news that snorting Smarties candies can cause nasal maggots (hint: DO NOT Google image that). While those are some excellent explanations, I think I know where the preoccupation with maggots originated.
Have you ever had an experience where God is trying to teach you something, and EVERYWHERE you look, you keep hearing the same message? To the point where it goes from strange coincidence to creepy to outright ridiculously hilarious? And finally you find yourself saying, "OKAY. I got it, God. I hear You LOUD and CLEAR."
Enter maggots.
It all started over Christmas break when I stumbled upon an article by John Piper called "Today's Mercies for Today's Troubles". It's an older article, but the truths are absolutely timeless. I've probably read it at least 4 times since then, and I think it would be in my best interest to review it at least once a week. You can read the article here.
In summary:
1. "God gives each day his wise and loving measure of pain and pleasure."
2. "There is fresh mercy from God for each day's appointed pain."
3. "Our task today is not to have the strength needed for tomorrow's burdens. Our task today is to live by the mercies given for today, and to believe that there will be new mercies for tomorrow. Today's mercies do not include strength for tomorrow; they include faith that tomorrow's unseen mercies will be sufficient for tomorrow."
I recently saw a movie called "August: Osage County", starring Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts, among others. Although the storyline wasn't a very happy one, the acting was absolutely incredible. In a moment of particular agony, Julia Robert's character says: "Thank God we can’t tell the future, we’d never get out of bed." Why is this true? Because we could never bear a lifetime of troubles on the mercies that are only meant for today. Look at the two primary Scriptures found in the John Piper article...
Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
We were never meant to bear the burden of an entire lifetime in a single moment. Every morning, God's mercies fall fresh and anew. They fall fresh on us, and together, we meet the day's portion of joy and sorrow. We must live day-to-day, and that requires faith that the Lord's compassions really will never fail to fall on us.
As the article mentions, we as humans do not like this. We like to fall asleep in peace, feeling fully equipped and ready for all that the next day could bring. But the Lord has required us to live in day-to-day, constant dependence on Him. Lest we forget that apart from Him, we can do nothing (John 15: 5).
Back to the maggots. At the beginning of this semester, with all these new thoughts in my head, my boss casually mentioned the story found in Exodus 16 where God feeds the people of Israel with manna and quail. I had some memory of the story, but I was about to see it in a whole new light. If you haven't read it or just want to refresh your memory, you can read it here.
In summary, the Israelites were wandering around in the wilderness, complaining that they were going to starve to death. They were so panicked that they said they wished they had died as slaves in Egypt (this is after God had performed many miracles, such as the parting of the Red Sea and the provision of drinking water). So, God provided for their needs by sending manna in the morning and quail at night. God's instructions were for the people to gather only enough manna each morning for one day. On the sixth day, they were to gather enough for two days so that they could still rest on the Sabbath.
Sure enough, some of the people tried to gather manna for more than one day. They were hoarding because they were afraid that God would not be faithful to send manna the next morning. When the manna was kept overnight, it began to smell and was filled with maggots- sometimes God gets creative! However, when manna from the sixth day was kept overnight, it did not spoil and was good for feeding God's people on the Sabbath. God provided, but the people were not allowed to hoard the manna out of hearts of unbelief.
After reading this story and incorporating the ways God has been speaking this same message to me (through conversations with my roommate and parents, and through LOTS of repetition of the message in church, etc.), I began to see how often I insist on feeding on manna that has been rotted out with maggots. I live in the future. I worry about things like: How will I do in my classes? Will I get a job after graduation? Will I fall in love and get married? Have kids? Live to see them have kids of their own? Leave a legacy of faith? And on and on and on...trying to live the rest of my life on only today's mercies all the while hoarding the manna God gives today in hopes that it will be enough to get me through.
But He gives DAILY bread. He gives new mercies EVERY MORNING. We walk by faith, not by sight. And we are called to walk with God day-by-day and moment-by-moment. If you're living with anxiety (I know how you feel), consider if you might be holding onto yesterday's manna. It will rot at the end of the day. You cannot hoard and outsmart God's system. But the good news is that His mercies unfailingly fall afresh each morning to give us everything we need for today.
So that is the story of the maggots. Hopefully it sounds a bit less disturbing now. Oh, one more funny thing. Every morning, I like to sneak a look at the next day's devotional. This morning, I turned the page to tomorrow's lesson, and what was waiting for me? A devotional on Exodus 16.
OK, God. I GET IT! Praise God, I think I'm getting it.
Specifically, I dreamed that I accidentally ate a piece of old bread or a pastry or something (my dreams don't get that specific), and when I put it into my mouth, I realized it was full of maggots. I'll spare you the details of the rest of the dream, but believe me, it was super gross.
According to www.dreamdictionary.org, I think about death too much. Or, someone or something in my life is eating away at me. Or, maybe I just saw the breaking news that snorting Smarties candies can cause nasal maggots (hint: DO NOT Google image that). While those are some excellent explanations, I think I know where the preoccupation with maggots originated.
Have you ever had an experience where God is trying to teach you something, and EVERYWHERE you look, you keep hearing the same message? To the point where it goes from strange coincidence to creepy to outright ridiculously hilarious? And finally you find yourself saying, "OKAY. I got it, God. I hear You LOUD and CLEAR."
Enter maggots.
It all started over Christmas break when I stumbled upon an article by John Piper called "Today's Mercies for Today's Troubles". It's an older article, but the truths are absolutely timeless. I've probably read it at least 4 times since then, and I think it would be in my best interest to review it at least once a week. You can read the article here.
In summary:
1. "God gives each day his wise and loving measure of pain and pleasure."
2. "There is fresh mercy from God for each day's appointed pain."
3. "Our task today is not to have the strength needed for tomorrow's burdens. Our task today is to live by the mercies given for today, and to believe that there will be new mercies for tomorrow. Today's mercies do not include strength for tomorrow; they include faith that tomorrow's unseen mercies will be sufficient for tomorrow."
I recently saw a movie called "August: Osage County", starring Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts, among others. Although the storyline wasn't a very happy one, the acting was absolutely incredible. In a moment of particular agony, Julia Robert's character says: "Thank God we can’t tell the future, we’d never get out of bed." Why is this true? Because we could never bear a lifetime of troubles on the mercies that are only meant for today. Look at the two primary Scriptures found in the John Piper article...
Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
We were never meant to bear the burden of an entire lifetime in a single moment. Every morning, God's mercies fall fresh and anew. They fall fresh on us, and together, we meet the day's portion of joy and sorrow. We must live day-to-day, and that requires faith that the Lord's compassions really will never fail to fall on us.
As the article mentions, we as humans do not like this. We like to fall asleep in peace, feeling fully equipped and ready for all that the next day could bring. But the Lord has required us to live in day-to-day, constant dependence on Him. Lest we forget that apart from Him, we can do nothing (John 15: 5).
Back to the maggots. At the beginning of this semester, with all these new thoughts in my head, my boss casually mentioned the story found in Exodus 16 where God feeds the people of Israel with manna and quail. I had some memory of the story, but I was about to see it in a whole new light. If you haven't read it or just want to refresh your memory, you can read it here.
In summary, the Israelites were wandering around in the wilderness, complaining that they were going to starve to death. They were so panicked that they said they wished they had died as slaves in Egypt (this is after God had performed many miracles, such as the parting of the Red Sea and the provision of drinking water). So, God provided for their needs by sending manna in the morning and quail at night. God's instructions were for the people to gather only enough manna each morning for one day. On the sixth day, they were to gather enough for two days so that they could still rest on the Sabbath.
Sure enough, some of the people tried to gather manna for more than one day. They were hoarding because they were afraid that God would not be faithful to send manna the next morning. When the manna was kept overnight, it began to smell and was filled with maggots- sometimes God gets creative! However, when manna from the sixth day was kept overnight, it did not spoil and was good for feeding God's people on the Sabbath. God provided, but the people were not allowed to hoard the manna out of hearts of unbelief.
After reading this story and incorporating the ways God has been speaking this same message to me (through conversations with my roommate and parents, and through LOTS of repetition of the message in church, etc.), I began to see how often I insist on feeding on manna that has been rotted out with maggots. I live in the future. I worry about things like: How will I do in my classes? Will I get a job after graduation? Will I fall in love and get married? Have kids? Live to see them have kids of their own? Leave a legacy of faith? And on and on and on...trying to live the rest of my life on only today's mercies all the while hoarding the manna God gives today in hopes that it will be enough to get me through.
But He gives DAILY bread. He gives new mercies EVERY MORNING. We walk by faith, not by sight. And we are called to walk with God day-by-day and moment-by-moment. If you're living with anxiety (I know how you feel), consider if you might be holding onto yesterday's manna. It will rot at the end of the day. You cannot hoard and outsmart God's system. But the good news is that His mercies unfailingly fall afresh each morning to give us everything we need for today.
So that is the story of the maggots. Hopefully it sounds a bit less disturbing now. Oh, one more funny thing. Every morning, I like to sneak a look at the next day's devotional. This morning, I turned the page to tomorrow's lesson, and what was waiting for me? A devotional on Exodus 16.
OK, God. I GET IT! Praise God, I think I'm getting it.
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