Jesus, Come Quickly

Raleigh Fellows December post...

For awhile now, I’ve been going through a “phase”.

Did you ever go through phases when you were a kid? Most girls go through a Barbie phase, a horse phase, a gel pen phase, and a Lisa Frank phase (not necessarily in that order). I went through all of those phases. And even now, as an adult, I still go through phases.

For the past 2-3 years, I’ve been in a phase that I’ll entitle “angry and fearful.” What? Isn’t that the natural progression following the Lisa Frank phase?

Without pulling a “cyber overshare” right here on the blog, let me define the “angry and fearful” phase for you. It basically boils down to this popular question: “How could a good God allow such evil and suffering in the world?” I just don’t get it. I love the Lord, but I can’t seem to reconcile what I know of His character with what I see in the world and in my own life. These questions have bred distrust in the Lord, and fear has been the ultimate outcome. After all, when you don’t trust in the Lord, how can you be anything BUT fearful? One main pattern of this phase has been my immediate reaction of anger toward God whenever I hear about or experience suffering. Immediately, I point the finger at God and push Him away (but not before I’m sure to let Him know how heartless I think He’s being).

Well, I’ve been praying through this situation with the Lord, and I’ve learned alot about honest prayer and questioning. I’ve learned that God can take it, and He’s able to handle the real me. I still haven’t found any answers, and after all this time, I’m simply left with more questions.

Last Friday, the entire nation was blind-sighted by a whole new world of questions about suffering. The shooting that took place at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut is a tragedy too deep to even begin to comprehend. Six women and twenty children from the school lost their lives. Even as I type the words, I cannot begin to imagine the weight of suffering and grief that bears down on that community.

What does a Christian do with a tragedy as horrible as this? How can one even speak about such evil? As I watched the news this week, one station reported that “authorities say all questions [about the shooting] will be answered.” Really? Truthfully, I don’t think there are answers to be found…at least not answers to the types of questions I find myself asking.

But to my surprise, instead of raging against the Lord and pushing Him away, I find myself praying, “Jesus, come quickly!” In this season of Advent, in this time of waiting, where we long for Christ to enter into the mess and chaos of our world, to put God’s salvation plan into motion, I find myself reaching TOWARD the Lord. I pray that those at Sandy Hook, in Newtown, and across the country are feeling the same thing. This time, it’s not answers I want. It’s Jesus. It’s His presence and His peace. And for this moment, that is enough…just to know that Jesus is here and that He sees and He understands and He grieves and He will never leave any of us.

And someday, maybe we’ll get the answers we long for. But until that day, may it be enough that He is Emmanuel- God with us.

Merry Christmas! May God’s presence and peace be upon all those who are suffering.

Nancy Childers